Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Super Bowl Losing QBs, Where Are They Now? (Part I)

Super Bowl winning quarterbacks are heralded for the rest of their days no matter how they performed in the big game, or the regular season for that matter .  When you look at Trent Dilfer, sports analyst on ESPN and former Super Bowl winning QB for the Baltimore Ravens, you kind of forget that he had a mediocre season.  You remember that all he needed to do was eliminate any mistakes and let the Defense/Special Teams do the rest, (which they DID).  Trent didn't win the game for Baltimore, he just didn't lose it, and that is enough to be remembered, and enough to land a cushy ESPN analyst gig too.   When you win, you're gold.

Sitting over a beer with a friend last night, the subject of Super Bowls came up, as it normally does at this time of year, (or anytime we have a beer).  We went through the normal get-your-bearings Super Bowl thing,  "Did the Giants win two years ago, or three?"  "Wait, who won last year?... Oh yeah."  As the discussion went on, we landed on that terrible game from 1994, Super Bowl XXIX.  The San Francisco 49ers completely outplayed the San Diego Chargers 49-26 in that game, and let me tell you, the score looks better than the beating actually was.  It was a memorable Super Bowl for me, though.  Probably because it was so bad, or maybe because it was my last Super Bowl at home before moving to New York a week later.  I remembered so many details about that game.  I remembered my mother made a huge Italian feast for my buddy, Chuck and I that day.  I remembered being slumped in the couch, too full to move, forced to watch that drubbing.  I mean, who can forget Steve Young's Super Bowl record 6 touchdown passes?  Oh God, and I remembered Chuck, a huge fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the team the Chargers beat to get there two weeks earlier, watching with agony.  It was a tough Super Bowl, save for my mother's cooking, but I remember all those details.

"Who the hell was the QB for the Chargers in that game?", my friend asked.

An easy question.  I remember everything about that game, it was... 

We sat there thinking in silence.  It just wouldn't come to us.  Normally we give ourselves 10-15 minutes to use our brains instead of our phones, but we couldn't wait.  After a few Google searches (why so many?!) we found him.  The starting quarterback for YOUR 1994 San Diego Chargers, Staaaan Humphrieeeees!  I'll say it again, Stan Humphries.

Remember him?

I didn't.  At least until I saw the picture.  Then the ball-breaking flood gates opened.  We launched into 20 minutes straight of putting Stan into different comical situations of "Where Are They Now?"  Hysterically laughing.  Normally, each one started with him climbing out from rock bottom only to perform another mediocre task.  Like, opening a bar and doing it all wrong.   I made this picture to give you an idea:

Mostly, we laughed over the idea of every deli in America having to serve a version of the Stan Humphries Sandwich to their bad customers, which we created to be boring on purpose, of course (recipe to follow).  A sandwich to match Stan's Super Bowl performance.  Stan's FORGETTABLE Super Bowl performance. 

It got me wondering, is this how other losing quarterbacks have fared? Are there more guys like Humphries in the annals that deserve a sandwich and a photo like the one I made?  Because I'll do it!

I'm going to do it.

Over these next few weeks leading up to Super Bowl XLVIII, I will compile some of my favorite, forgettable, Super Bowl losing quarterbacks for your enjoyment.  Come by the blog to spy a photo like Stan's and a recipe for a sandwich.  And hey, some of these sandwiches might be tasty!  This one is not:

The Stan Humphries


-2 Slices of white bread

-Far too much lettuce

-One thin slice of bologna with very thick skin


Take slices out of bread bag and leave on the counter over night.  Return to bread the following day.  Bread should be a bit stale.

Place bologna and lettuce (about 12 leaves) between bread.  Close sandwich.

Squeeze mustard over the top of the bread in the form of a lightning bolt.  The more mustard, the messier the sandwich.  The messier the sandwich, the more like its namesake.

Serve immediately.