From the days of staring at the football helmets on my fourth grade, NFL lunchbox, to conceiving new uniforms in Madden Football's creation mode, I've always been fascinated with on-the-field sports attire. I may even watch a game based solely on the fact that the uniform match-up is better (sorry Jacksonville vs Carolina, I'll never watch your uniforms go head-to-head... urp... I just puked in my mouth a little at the thought of it).
Lately, uniforms have gone crazy and most of the blame falls on Nike. If you don't know where the sports gear giant is based, let me give you a hint:
Hi, my name is Skip, and I have a uniform problem. Hi Skip!
Yes, I'm a nerd about this, and perhaps I have a taste for things that are more on the classic side. That's not to say I am unwilling for change, it's just that I never, ever, want to see this again:
All ratings are done in Alphabetical order.
Let the fun begin!
1. ARIZONA CARDINALS:
The pajama uniform is most prevalent with UCONN
So, Cardinals, your classic helmet gives you big points. As far as the uniform, I'm not really into the piping or that two-tone thing on the shoulders and under the armpits, also your alternate is looking better than your primary uniform. You wear pajamas. You get:
2) ATLANTA FLACONS
3) BALTIMORE RAVENS
So, not great here. Six different uniform combinations? Flying head logo? Ugh. Okay, I like two of the combos, and extra points for the jersey standing on it's own with the cool crest on the sleeve, but it's not working as an ensemble.
4) BUFFALO BILLS
5) CAROLINA PANTHERS
6) CHICAGO BEARS
7) CINCINNATI BENGALS
I have always loved that Bengals helmet. My wife hates it and I don't understand why. In a league full of flying heads this helmet is a breath of fresh air. It looks like a tiger! I love it and always will. What I don't love are the sleeves, the pant stripe. Why not just dress up as tigers? Also, the two-tone jersey shoulder thing is crap, why is everyone doing this? Learn from the Bills and run away as fast as you can from those shoulders.
I can deal with the top right uniform, would love to make adjustments to the middle-left road version, and would keep the bottom one as the alternate. The other two must go! Cincy's helmet rocks, the uniform as a whole falls short. Believe me, those jerseys look better here than on TV, and that's not saying much.
8) CLEVELAND BROWNS
Here is another classic. These are in my personal top five NFL uniforms. That plain, orange helmet, with brown and white stripes says more than any flying logo head could ever say. I could do without the brown pants because those road whites are money, but as far as alternates go, Cleveland has kept it simple. Maybe it's my love of Thanksgiving that brings forth warm fuzzies when I see this uniform, or maybe it's just the old school quality. Either way, like the Bears, this one gets all five stars.
9) DALLAS COWBOYS
10) DENVER BRONCOS
Huh boy, here we go. Let's start with the flying bronco head. It's terrible. It's especially terrible since they used to have an angry, snorting bronco sticking out of a D on their helmet:
Much cooler then.
I don't mind the colors, I just can't stand the numbers and design of this uniform. They won two straight Super Bowls in the late 90's with these. They lost Super Bowls with their old ones. I get it. I just don't like it. I'll give the Broncos that swoopy leg stripe, I think they were the first to wear that. Hate the all blue uniform, of course. I'm not a fan here.
11) DETROIT LIONS
12) GREEN BAY PACKERS
13) HOUSTON TEXANS
I do not like the all-blue, but as far as one color uniforms go, the Texans pull it off. I think it's in the touches. The stripes are in all the right places. This one is my shocker pick. You'd think I'd be against it, but I'm not.
14) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
15) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
16) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS